In my way of blowing everything up to cartoon proportions, I look at a creative person like they’re a superhero. Their talent and creative vision are their super powers. Fulfilling that creative vision is the saving of the bus full of screaming children that’s about to fall off the bridge. So what do you do when you discover that the fiend behind this evil plot is the very person you love most in the world?

It’s tough to face but for artists and creative people it is vitally important to deal with the fact that sometimes the very people who love us most are the ones who put our success in jeopardy. Friends, lovers, and your family are often your worst enemies. Getting their influence on you under control is usually one of the very first operations you have to undertake in building your success.

DANGER WHERE YOU LEAST EXPECT

Unfortunately, it’s never malicious. I say that’s unfortunate because if it were obviously abusive, it would be an easier sell to cut these people out of your life or limit their access to you. The difficulty is that they genuinely have your own best interests at heart when they try to keep you from your dream.

Parents and lovers are usually interchangeable in this context. The fulfillment of your dream requires you to maintain an intense and demanding private life, which clashes with their plans for you. “You are not pulling your weight as a member of this family” from your mother becomes “I don’t feel like you’re putting as much into this relationship as I am” from your significant other. And one is as likely as the other to give you grief over the division of chores, how you manage your money, or the time you spend away from the home.

Your friends are another story. They are probably your biggest supporters so you have to be a little more careful with them. They probably fancy themselves superstars as well and if they’re your friends, they likely ooze superstar potential. It’s all well and good that you fancy your scene to be the modern Swinging London, but what do you and your friends do and talk about when you get together? Are you comparing notes on your progress, or talking about how great it’s going to be when you’re stars some day? Are you getting together to watch each other in action, or does it turn into unchecked leisure time?

YOUR HIDDEN WEAKNESS REVEALED

Everybody you know knows you’re a genius so they naturally come to you with their issues. Are you typically answering specific questions related to someone’s work-in-progress, or are you untangling a knot of money problems, sexual frustration, and overreaction? If the latter, I’m willing to bet that you’ve heard the same concerns so many times that you have your answers to each of them down pat.

You’re brilliant so people are naturally drawn to you. A big part of the joy of being a creative person is inspiring people, so how do you start taking your attention back from people who need inspiration?

It’s easier than you think. The trick is that these people don’t want inspiration. They want justification. They look up to you, and they want to be on your level. By getting you caught up in their agenda, they’re on the same level as you because they’ve brought you down.

SAVE THE WORLD BY ACHIEVING YOUR DREAM

The only way to help anyone get up to your level is to set the example. Make your relationship with your work the most important relationship in your life because the only way to inspire anyone is to achieve your dream. You will have people who take it as a personal slight when you start to take control of your attention. But if they really loved you, wouldn’t your determination to succeed be cause for celebration?

Here’s the tough pill to swallow: the people that love you, without realizing it, do not want you to succeed. They enjoy your enthusiasm and energy, but they enjoy what it does for them. If you have your success, you’ll be doing new things with new people and they won’t have that source of energy any more. But it’s the most loving thing you can do to go do those new things with those new people because it’s the only way you can teach them to find the energy in themselves.

It’s a great ego boost to be the master, surrounded by people who need your special brand of help. But progress only comes from being the student. And finding new places and new situations that are above your present level requires new modes of thinking and new priorities.

So how do you start the process of eliminating the Dream Killers in your life so you can reach that new level?

THE MAGIC WORDS

One technique that made all of the difference when I was trying to increase my productivity was to develop the habit of answering any request for my time or attention with “I don’t know, let me get back to you about that.” Even if I knew the definite answer right away, I trained myself to answer this way to everything.

When you develop this habit, you reduce the chance of committing yourself to counterproductive situations. No one can push your buttons to get you into a discussion you don’t want to take part in, nor will you jump into something in the heat of the moment.

A superhero doesn’t worry about his alter-ego offending someone by his absence while he’s getting that bus full of kids back on the bridge. Getting down to work on building your success is just as urgent. You’re a superstar and your time is valuable. You want your creative vision to have a big impact, and like Wallace D. Wattles stated in his 1910 book The Science of Getting Rich, “you can render to humanity no greater service than to make the most of yourself.”

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Tags: advice, art, creative process, ideas, motivation, philosophy, rant, success, thoughts