(The following is posted at eye level upon the door through which you enter the house which presently contains my studio)

1. All ranks shall be left outside the doors, similarly hats, and particularly swords.
2. Orders of precedence and haughtiness, and anything of such like which might result from them, shall be left at the doors.
3. Be merry, but neither spoil nor break anything, nor indeed gnaw at anything.
4. Be seated, stand, or walk as it best pleases you, regardless of others.
5. Speak with moderation and not too loudly, so that others around you have not an earache or headache.
6. Argue without anger or passion.
7. Do not sigh or yawn, neither bore nor fatigue others.
8. Agree to partake of any innocent entertainment suggested by others.
9. Eat well of good things, but drink with moderation so that each should be able to find his legs upon leaving these doors.
10. All disputes must stay behind closed doors; and what goes in one ear should go out the other before departing through the doors.

If any shall infronge the above, on the evidence of two witnesses, for any crime each guilty party shall drink a glass of cold water, ladies not excepted, and read a page of the Telemachida* out loud.

Who infringes three points in one evening, shall be sentenced to learn three lines of the Telemachida by heart.

If any shall infringe the tenth point, he shall no longer be permitted entry.

*The Telemachida was a contemporary Russian poem about the adventures of Telemachus, Son of Odysseus, which most contemporaries found tedious and long-winded.

Tags: life, rules